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As I was walking down Court St today, two young, fit looking women were walking in front of me and I kept catching glimmers of their conversation. "I really f'-ed up. Cheating. Never should have." As curiosity got the better of me and I inched closer trying to figure out what horrible, immoral digression had been committed, I put the pieces together. She was talking about her dinner last night, during which, she had cheated on her diet. That's it. This woman, who couldn't have been more than a size 6 and perhaps in her late 20's was casually and openly denegrating herself in public. She had eaten a piece of cake or something equally abhorable and the bargaining was about to begin. Now she needed to figure out how to make it right, how to attone for her sins. She should cut some calories today, do extra exercise, skip a meal, etc. Yesterday, she was "bad" but today she would be "good".

My mom, who is a petit woman and has never been overweight, still regularly says things like, "I was so bad today", "I was good today", "I shouldn't have that" and, "I should have this" depending on what she's eaten, or is about to eat. You'll be happy to hear that my mom is a good person regardless of what she eats, but you wouldn't know it by her choice of words. I'll always remember the story she told me about the nun who taught that when you use the word "should" it's like sh***ing on yourself. I think of that often and always try not to "should" myself, or anyone else. "Should" is crawling with judgement and guilt and blame and accusation. Pay attention to how many times you use that word during the course of a day and I can almost guarentee, you'll be surprised. A wise woman once suggested to me that substituting 'should' with 'could' changes everything. "I shouldn't have the meatball sandwich, I should have the salad." Boy, does that make me want to have the meatball sandwich. But try, "I could have the meatball sandwich or I could have the salad". Now, it's just a choice. And without the moral judgment, suddenly the salad looks much more appealing, because I could have the meatball sandwich - free of guilt - if I wanted it, I'm just going to choose the salad this time.

One of the many diets I went on during my 37 years of dieting history (I started at age 10, so when I say many, I mean many) was while I was living in England. The program was called "Slimming World" and the basis of the diet was Red and Green days. On Red days you could eat mainly protein and veggies, no carbs, and on Green days you could eat mainly carbs and veggies, no protein. Fats and fruits fell into a Category called "Sins". Yes, you read that right. Sins. You were allowed a certain number of 'sins' a day based on your weight. So olive oil, avocado, milk, cheese, honey, fruit, along with junk food, were considered sins! I was breast feeding at the time so I was allowed to have extra sins. That's right, I got to sin more than everyone else in order to feed my baby. Lucky me! Truth to tell, I did feel lucky about that at the time. If only I knew then what I know now.

So enough with the judgement. Have the cake if you want it. Maybe you could opt to not have it everyday, you could balance it out with extra veggies, you could do more exercise. Just stop beating yourself up over it. And know that eating cake is not a moral decision. Food is not morally 'good' or 'bad'. (Except for maybe Monsanto GMO's. But that's another story.)